Sunday, May 12, 2013

And there you were

                                   1.5 Months
My monthly “visitor” didn’t show up on the 28th day as  usual
Pregnancy test… positive

Freak out!
Me: Scared Shitless  The Hubs: Ecstatic
It was not yet time… I thought
 I still needed to pay off my student loans
I needed to save
I had plans to do all these “things”
For split second I considered…
The Hubs and I talked and I knew it was going to be okay

                                       3.5 Months

I felt the baby flutter and then I knew it was going to be better than okay
We decided not to find out the gender
I secretly wanted a girl
He also wanted a girl then he changed his mind

                                            4 Months

I had a bump!
And the bump was growing!!!
I spoke to it so it would know my voice
I played music to it
Classical music seemed calm it
I told it I loved it, boy or girl

                                          5 Months

Magic was happening but I selfishly worried about my weight
I tried to diet but gave it up after I blacked out on the downtown 6 train
I got a good scolding from a friend
So I ate
My mother-in-law cooked for me...everyday
So, I ate well 

                                        6 Months

I dressed to the nines everyday
I tried to be stylish while pregnant
I wanted to go on a babymoon
But we couldn't 
We needed to save
We had a pregnancy shoot 

                                           7 Months

My feet became swollen…I couldn’t fit my heels
I’d gone up a shoe size
I gave up stuffing my feet into heels and bought sensible flats from aerosoles  
I was suddenly 12 pounds heavier but was not worried
I was going to complete the Insanity Workout Program postpartum
I bought the Insanity DVDs
I bought Your Baby Can Read DVDs

                                         8 Months

I was huge, uncomfortable and felt like a ball
I had a constant heartburn
I tried to get a bikini wax … it was a bad idea lol
Baby arrival was getting closer
I was anxious with excitement
I could not wait to meet my little one
Hospital bag and birthing plan were ready
All I could do was wait

                                       39 weeks

Labor pains began New Year’s Eve
It knocked the breath out of me
I went to the hospital… they sent me back home
A couple of hours after we got home, my water broke
We went back to the hospital
At check in, I found out  my company had not paid my health insurance
It cast a dark cloud over the miracle that was happening
I worried
My labor pains grew worse
I threw out my birthing plan and asked for an epidural
I was still in pain … and I worried about the hospital bill
The labor pains did not subside
The epidural tube was blocked...they did not realize until 1 hour later
They removed it … and re-inserted it
It was painful but my sister and I breathed through it
The pain eventually subsided
2 people got into an argument – that made me sad
My best friend came – that made me happy
I fell as sleep

                                      It Was Time 

They woke me up in a fright
My blood pressure was dropping so was the baby’s
Baby had pooped and needed to be out immediately
Everyone had to leave the room
Only 2 people could stay
My husband and one person
That was not the plan
It was supposed to be my husband and my 2 sisters
They made me choose between my sisters
I was sad… I needed them both
Labor pains racked my body
I pushed involuntarily
They stopped me and told me to push when asked
It was so painful... I couldn’t breath
I couldn’t feel my legs...
It was too painful to cry
They asked and I pushed
I pushed with every contraction as instructed
My sister looked at me,  she could see the baby’s hair
At that, I focused on my baby’s sonogram picture in the red frame at the corner of the room
I gave the push all energy I had left  
The baby came right out
It felt like……..I can’t explain
They took my baby away
I was confused but they told me to keep pushing
There was no cry
I was scared
Then there was a cry
It was a little girl
I cried… she was exactly what I wanted
They brought her to me
I held her for the first time …
My little girl
I couldn’t believe I was really a mum
A mum…To the most beautifulest little girl in the world

I thank God for giving me the privilege to be your mother

Happy Mother’s Day!!!


  1. Sigh... You are happy you made me cry this Tuesday afternoon abi?

    I'm in love with this post. And Happy belated mother's day to you my boo!

  2. Wow, i almost cried sha.....she is indeed beautiful


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